CHAPTER 13 -  A PERSONAL UPDATE

Recently, I have not written much about my personal journey along the path of the prayer of the heart. It is because I have found that my prayer of contemplation is frequently being drawn into intercession. In fact we have  written a whole series of booklets about intercession which we shared with you last month.

My prayer has gone like this. I find myself attempting to come before our Father with Jesus, and experiencing mostly distraction and blankness. I sometimes worry that he is withholding his love from me - knowing him through love is a gift. But that worry does not come often. Mostly I have a deep conviction that this distraction and blankness is his will; this is his gift. Facing this weakness and confusion is a work I have to do.

I don’t think it is just my weakness and confusion. There is a dawning awareness that this is not just about me. I remember the times he showed me that I am not alone when I pray. As I stand before our Father with Jesus, seeking to know him through love, I am immersed into the whole human family. They are there with me, even though I usually have a very vague awareness of their presence. I am swimming in a vast ocean of need.

I am convinced that all this weight of humanity, or some of it, is weighing on me. Yes, I have enough needs of my own, but this is a call for me to forget these, and offer my small sacrifice of prayer for others. Because I stay there before our Father with Jesus, I know that other people and situations are being freed and drawn into the Kingdom.

This is intercession. It is not petition which focuses on one or several needs, consciously holding them before our Father to be covered by his merciful love. Intercession is very much without a specific focus. It is offering the emptiness and inadequacy in trust. Somehow others are benefiting.

He has put into my heart a strong conviction that the exchange rate involved in this prayer is out of all proportion to my sacrifice. Archimedes, when he described the principle of the fulcrum, said that if he had a lever long enough he could lift the world. There is something like that at play here. Jesus is the fulcrum and the lever who empowers the prayer of intercession. How lovely it is that he has chosen to involve us! With enough intercessors, the whole world would be transformed.

Intercession can be hard labour at times. I give myself an hour to pray and I keep looking at the clock. Sometimes I wonder if the clock has stopped. Then there are the days when I find other ‘essential’ work to do instead, but I know I am kidding myself.

Recently Jesus reminded me of the time he was scourged at the pillar. I saw him struck to the ground by the brutal lashing, but he pulled himself to his feet each time, and more than that he looked his torturers straight in the eye. This disconcerted them; they had never faced such strength and dignity, especially when it shone through pain and exhaustion. Some began to see themselves for the first time and didn’t like what they saw. It caused some to give up, but others to double down even to the mockery of the crown of thorns, the sceptre of the reed, and the mock royal cloak.

They hurt him, but they did not beat him. He stood up each time.

When we are called into intercession, all we have to do is keep standing up. In our very faithfulness Jesus is staring Satan and his army in the eye, and they cannot stand that for long. They can’t stand the sight of such love. They have to let go their grip on someone somewhere.