I have read in the writings of Saints Theresa of Avila and John of the Cross about the ‘Dark night of the Senses’, and the ‘Dark night of the Soul’. I don’t want to talk here about the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’

The ‘Dark Night of the Senses’ is where people walking the path of contemplation experience a dissatisfaction and boredom with sensual gratification; things that once seemed vital for our comfort and well-being may seem boring, even pointless. This experience is disorientating; we can even think we are becoming depressed. I believe I am experiencing this at the moment.

Depression has a multitude of causes, which I don’t pretend to be an expert in, but I have noticed in people that it is often where a new growth is laboriously taking place. Many people who have had ‘a breakdown’ really came to a stop because the way they were living was inadequate, and a new and more enhancing state of life was urgent to develop within them. So depression and breakdown are not necessarily destructive. They can in fact be breakthroughs.

The Dark Night of the Senses is where the desire for God is battling for first place with the desire for the good things that God has given us. One hymn puts it like this: “The things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace” (Cast your eyes upon Jesus: Hillsong).

I have enjoyed many things in life, and much of my sense of feeling OK is caused by what I believe is a healthy balance of work and play, but mostly that balancing act happens in a part of myself which has little consciousness of God. But, once the divine lover gets under your skin, other ‘likes’ seem less attractive. Then the enjoyment of sensual things experience a ‘dark night’, but, really, the deepest desire of my heart, my longing for the Father, is claiming its rightful first place.

It is important to state that this dark night gives way to more light.

In my readings about the spiritual Dark Nights of the Senses and the Soul, it always seemed to me that they were long periods of discomfort and even suffering, and maybe for some people they are, but I think it comes to me in bits - sometimes more powerful, sometimes less. I don’t think I am depressed, but that love is being matured within me.

I have prayed to love the Lord God above all else, and I think that he is answering my prayer. This awakening of my innermost self is purely under the caress of his hand; it is his gift, but it is a bit disorientating. I know that it will all work out well, though, because God is love, and I want to be filled with love.

I also believe that he will gradually lead me to enjoy the things of the world shot through with his presence. I expect that that will entail a gradual adjustment of what I think I need and don’t need. I think I will become content with less, and appreciate the ‘less’ more. We’ll see.

Spiritual writers keep talking about using our wills. This faculty seems of extreme importance in growing spiritually. Sometimes I have to cling on wilfully when I have doubts or lose a sense of consolation; sometimes I have to cling for a long time. That is when I am working with God on my own development.

I have to say that, whenever I will myself to cling to God in darkness, there is a developing inner appreciation that this is the right course of action. I suppose that is the gift of faith at work. It is not a feeling but an increasing conviction.

Don’t get the impression that this is all a smooth progression inside me. It is full of bumps and wrong turns, and attempts to turn back. But he loves me and does not give up on me, no matter how many headaches I give him and myself.

I repeat: It is important to state that this dark night gives way to more light.

People today have gadgets which count their steps. If you had one that gave you the sum total of all the choices you have made in your life, you would be looking at millions, possibly billions. At all times we are convinced we are making the right choices, the consequences  of which will be ups or downs. There are far less downs when we choose to make the journey into the family life of God. Also the ups well up inside us, and become a living stream to nourish ourselves and the world.

Any thoughts? Please share!