Love first

In the previous chapter, I spoke of the importance of our will in contemplative prayer. For some people, the two words ‘will’ and ‘contemplative’ can be overlaid with meanings that are not always helpful.

‘Will’ can have vibes of domination and power, which is out of place in the teaching of Jesus. He tells us that it is the poor in spirit who will possess the Kingdom of God, and the meek who will inherit the earth.

‘Contemplation’ can have overtones of mystical experiences which seem only possible to the great saints. That is why I prefer to use the phrase ‘prayer of the heart’; it stresses the radical centrality of love. This is our sharing in Jesus’ loving converse with our Father. He urges everybody to “go into that secret place” and “pray to your Father” (Matthew: 6, 6). It is not just for specially chosen souls. It is for everyone.

If our service of God is not charged with love, it is hollow and will produce meagre fruit. A mother will delight in providing favourite foods for her family, she will go out of her way to do so. The lovers of God delight in doing the will of God – even when the cost is high.

Hebrews: 10, 5-7 says this of Jesus: “He said, on coming into the world… "God, here I am! I am coming to obey your will". Obedience can be hard when it is imposed by someone else, especially if it is against what we want. But lovers burn with the desire to carry out the will of their beloved.

The prayer of the heart is the school of our love affair with God. It can be hard and we can find a wealth of obstacles within ourselves to prevent us starting it or continuing it, and, yes, it can require will power on our part, but it is the process by which our hearts are drawn into deeper love.

Children learn to read by first recognising letters, then words, then they make sense of sentences. All of that is forgotten when they read a book spontaneously. Some children pick up reading quickly, others might have dyslexia and learn to read slowly, but it is a known fact that dyslexic children often penetrate more deeply into the meaning of what they read.

We are all different. A busy mum might learn the prayer of the heart by faithfully responding the demands of family life. Most of these demands will be God’s will. A sick person might learn by accepting trustfully the limitations God has given them. A hermit might find that God calls them to persevere in prayer amidst distractions and the sense of futility. All are fulfilling the will of God, and each of them needs to seek space to enter into that ‘secret place’ to talk to the Father. Without entering into that prayer of love, their efforts will burn out, or be overlaid with resentment.

Duty

What dreadful fruits spring from duty when it does not flow from love! We can become numbed, or bitter, find self-affirmation in denigrating the work of other people, envy, or be filled with pride in our own achievements. Then the train of human progress is pulled by a hand cart. Whereas “those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah: 40, 31).

It is only by withdrawing into the heart, going to that ‘private place’, and there seeking the loving face of our Father, ‘waiting upon the Lord’, that we allow ourselves to be touched by his graceful love. Words fail then, and we are naked before him, but he is running towards us with ‘the best robe’ and a ‘ring’ for our finger’ like the father Jesus describes in his story of the Return of the Prodigal (Luke 15: 11-32). 

Consolation

Only rarely do we find sweetness and light in contemplation. Our hearts are more feeble than we imagine, and in need of much nurturing. The journey to be fully maturity as children of God is long and arduous, but it is the adventure we are made for. The sea is so great and our boat is so small, but the one who built us is the master of storm and sea and the skilful boat builder. His has designed our whole life so as to bring us to fullness in his Kingdom. Jesus assures us: “Fear not little flock, it has delighted the Father to give you the Kingdom” (Luke 15: 11-32).

The moments of sweetness and light are there to prepare us for the next steps in following Jesus. But what is growing beneath the barren times of prayer, are spiritual habits of conviction and determination. They are gifts of God planted in our very spirits, not the fruit of our muscular determination. They are the stuff of love.